Part of me is still in mourning over the trip lost - the imagined care free soul, feeling a good 2kgs lighter on lots of exercise, rather than feeling 2kgs heavier on a forced sedentary stint. The other part is sitting it out in a resigned but reluctant patience that knows I should be looking inward but prefers to be distracted.
My leg has been in fibre glass cast for three weeks and two days, just over half the prescribed six weeks... and I've moved from fighting the concept of a cast to something I can only described and no-other-option resignation.
I find it hard to believe that the best possible holistic treatment for a broken limb is to immobilise it in a cast which hampers circulation, forces a stocking tight against your leg and worst of all prevents access for a gentle massage and loving touch.
The doctors are not concerned about HEALING. Their concern is the least fuss method (for them) to ensure that the limb remains immobile and non-weight bearing. The patient must just learn to shut off the discomfort and the feeling they the injured part of their body is beyond their control and concern.
Personal note to doctors: this is an area that could earn you a lot of money if you came up with a workable solution. For me a bound on splint that allowed me to massage the leg would have been better - and... some patients are capable of being responsible patients, and capable of taking their own decisions regarding their well being.
But... I've moved on from fretting over the issue to mindless resignation as I wait out my remaining two weeks, five days of jail sentence for my limb.
After arguing about what we remembered of the docs instructions, Bob has moved from grousing at me for putting my foot lightly on the ground, to grousing when it is not resting lighting on the ground. The petulant child in me, close to the fore under what has been patience-trying circumstances, screams I told you so at him... but four weeks of not using something is a long enough to entrench new habits.
It is now, as hard to use the foot and get it accustomed to a light weight on the ball of the foot (as per docs instructions) as it was to remember not to use it initially.
Ever since the attempted manipulation of the leg after one week in a cast the ankle area has had strange sensations... exacerbated by gently resting the foot on the floor. They have eased, changed, and are now felt less within the ankle and more on the side of the fibular... but I find it extremely disconcerting - a feeling that is heightened by not being able to see or rub the leg.
Of course, I'm also starting to realise that the when the cast comes off at the end of six weeks, it is not the end of the journey, but rather only the beginning. The start of learning to use the foot and leg again, the start of building up strength, muscle-tone, and teaching it to listen to mental instructions. The start of mobility, of getting fit again, of finding physical balance.
It certainly will be novel to stand on my own two feet again. I'm definitely looking forward to the freedom of walking back and forth with ease and not needing to plan a task to the nth degree so that I take everything I need with me on the first trip, because a second trip (down the stairs, across the lawn, along the plank the covers the stone-filled gutter, along the verandah, dodging the tools in the passage to the kitchen or bathroom) is just to tiring to contemplate.
My shoulders do not like the crutches - they aggravate old shoulder injuries... but on the plus side my arms and shoulders are feeling stronger, and right leg one-legged squats are a breeze.
In a way I'm sort of looking forward to facing my worst nightmare - the oscillating cast saw... and my imagination has replaced it with new worst nightmare - which is finding out that I should have followed my instinct with these strange sensations, and that I need an operation and another six weeks in a cast! It is not something I would like to even contemplate facing, and hopefully it is all just the fabrication of my cast-averse mental meanderings.
